Racially based dating preferences are not made in a vacuum and I’m really tired of hearing that excuse
Because I have yet to hear an explanation about why someone doesn’t date a poc group that didn’t involve an extremely racist ass stereotype…
Ok, so I’m white, and this is probably none of my business. But I have a strong preference for POC which is why it kinda made sense to me that some people might not, they might have a preference for people who look like themselves. I mean, just because I am not attracted to my own race, doesn’t mean that I hate them. Now, that being said, I know there are plenty, much too many, white people where racism would be the cause of this. But idk, sweeping statements
The problem generally lies in the historical context, for these kinds of things. The reality is that black people, and specifically black women, are usually the least in terms of dating desirability. Not only that, but the majority of people unwilling to date outside their race… are white.
Here’s an article I came across while doing research about competition within and among dating sites in college. OKCupid runs a blog where they do metrics and break down a lot of different aspects of the dating game— and here’s one of the unfortunate, but already well-known, pieces of data that they found out.
I wasn’t countering the problem of racism in attraction. I was countering the use of a sweeping statement about an entire group of people (those that are attracted to people of their own race).
Trust me, I see the racism and it frustrates me. And i actively work against it. I live in one of the most ignorant, racist, divided places you will ever encounter. But one thing I know, it is a HUGE mistake to lump a group of people together under one assumption without knowing them all personally. These issues can be addressed more effectively without making sweeping statements. Call out those that need to be called out, but don’t sweep the innocent in with the guilty just because they share a common trait.
I am definitely not trying to belittle the work you do or your mindset on racism and your feelings of having to interact with the effects of it. Unfortunately, I must say, switching this scenario doesn’t make it equal. It’s a very different idea of being a white person dating a POC than it is of being a POC dating a white person.
Historically, and unfortunately even now, dating a white person (if you’re a POC) has always been an ideal of “dating up”. That’s the stigma. It’s a positive one. Conversely, a white person dating a POC, has been seen as a problem/ as “dating down”… or else as a fetish. There’s rarely, historically (which of course bleeds into today), been a positive connotation for a white person to be with a POC.
And of course, the same can be said of certain POC communities who look down on people who date outside of their own race, but it’s usually argued with a “is your own kind not good enough for you” argument than any trace of “that’s lowering yourself/beneath you”.
What I’m saying is that, with that and all sorts of lenses colouring the view of white people dating POCs, it’s usually a racist viewpoint that has taken hold when a white person’s preference is for their own race. That being said, I can’t say that what OP said was very generalizing at all... as I have also yet to meet someone or hear an explanation from ANYONE who is white, who says that they don’t date outside their race, without it being extremely racist. Every time I’ve heard an explanation, and I’ve ALWAYS questioned it, it’s always had to do with some stereotype or learned racism. I agree with the OP.